The Doctor is IN

They're all good sides.

Nine years ago today, I was born in a humble mansion in Powell, Ohio.  I knew from the beginning that I was destined for more, for greatness, and I decided that I needed a way out.  So when that blonde girl came to visit, as my other siblings were running around playing and acting like fools, I did what I had to do.  I'm almost ashamed to talk about it, but you know what they say about desperate times.  So yes I, the soon-to-be Dr. Vezer Paulus Esber, groveled.  I sat quietly in her lap. I looked soulfully into her eyes.  I did my absolute best to convince her that I needed her.  And she totally bought it...ate it up in fact.  What a sucker.

And so she became my Mommy.  And for the first three and a half years, I had her all to myself.  And it was awesome.  I didn't have to share her, I slept in her bed, went everywhere with her, and generally did whatever the heck I wanted to do.

Where's my shirt?

And then, boom: she got married.  And I had a daddy.  Now, don't get me wrong, two parent households are okay for some people.  But I'm not one of those people.  We were doing just fine on our own, thankyouverymuch.  Daddy tried to do things like sleep closer to Mommy than I was or sit on my chair at the table.  He even ignored me once when I was having an allergic reaction to a spider bite.  Good thing Mommy got home in the nick of time and rushed me to MedVet.

I eventually made peace with the Daddy situation.  I mean, it is nice to have four hands to pet you and 2 people to feed you.  And Daddy snuck me food that Mommy would never give me, like entire cheese slices.

Sitting in a hat?  Really?

And then, Mommy let a cat in the house.  A CAT.  They go to the bathroom inside for goodness sakes.  I don't even know what to say.  And the vet tried to blame it on ME!!  "A cat that had a home wouldn't willingly come in a house that has a dog" she said.  Don't put this on me, lady...I am a perfectly good dog.  I growled at it and tried to chase it out.  Maybe the cat is the defective one, did you think about that?!?  The only good part about it is that The Honorable seemed to be too busy with his plans for world domination to pay much attention to me, so life went on as usual.

Oti doesn't even deserve a caption.

And then, Oti the cat's condo burned down.  Now, I am nothing if not a humanitarian; so I suppose I can excuse housing a displaced fire victim every now and then.  Especially when that victim weighs half a ton and mostly cowers in fear of everything.  The part I don't get is why he's still living here, mooching off my Mommy, 3 years after the fire incident.

Please get this thing off of me.

And then, Mommy did the unthinkable.  She got me a BROTHER. Did I want a brother?  No.  But...maybe it could be cool to have someone who looks up to me, someone to teach all of my Vizsla wisdom to and who would otherwise worship the couch I lay on.  Yes, that would be cool.  But that's not who we got.  We got Quixx.  Now, I tried to make him a good Vizsla, I really did.  I tried to get him to listen to me and treat me like a god.  But he must have a learning disability, because he mostly just thinks that HE is the awesome one. And suddenly, the bed is too crowded.  Mommy and Daddy decide that Quixx and I have to sleep in the little bed...that's right, a TWIN SIZED bed that is pulled right up next to Mommy and Daddy's bed.  I called the ASPCA, but they were clearly negligent in this matter as they didn't even return my call.  Losers.

I hope you kept the receipt.

And then, a little person suddenly appeared.  And this one didn't just use the bathroom inside the house, he used it in his pants.  In.his.pants.  Gross.  So I did the only thing I could do.  I had to, and I'm not sorry about it.  I had an allergy attack.  Yep, I made my Mommy prove her love to me by making sure the first place she drove herself after having a baby was to the vet.  And you know what?  She did it.  And she proceeded to cook me special meals on top of caring for Daddy, The Honorable, Oti, Quixx, and the little person for the next 5 months.  And take me to lots and lots of doctors' appointments (I told her we didn't have to do that, but she insisted.)


So despite all these changes, and people that I now have to share my Mommy with, I know she still loves me the same way she did when I turned on the charm 9 years ago.  Which just goes to show you that I knew exactly what I was doing when I picked her.  I am so smart, it scares me sometimes...

Kelsey would like to thank her guest blogger, Dr. Vezer Paulus Esber, for taking time out of his busy schedule to fill in for her today.  And a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our Vizsla Major.  We love you and you will always be my first baby and founding member of the family...so enjoy the day lounging on the couch and licking the sticky baby.  You deserve it ;)

Miss Bindergarten's Last Day of Kindergarten

Today is my mom's last day of kindergarten.  Quite an accomplishment, considering she's been there 26 years.  Maybe the administration figured that since she didn't attend kindergarten herself, it would take her that long to figure out whether it's supposed to be called an oval or an ellipse.

All kidding aside, I am very proud of my mom for having such a successful teaching career.  In fact, I think I am a tad sentimental about her retiring.  I think about all the kids who she helped get off to a good start in formal education.  I think about how she has been the only teacher that has ever taught in her physical classroom, despite the building being almost 20 years old.  I think about her not "being a teacher" and it makes me a little sad.

She, on the other hand, is not sad.  At all.  Up until recently, she used to say things like, "I love my job!" and "what would I even do if I retired?"  But once the decision was made that this would be her last year, she has not looked back.  Even when I try to evoke some emotion:

Me: Won't you be sad that your career is over?                  

Kindergarten: The Early Years

Her: Nope.

Me: Will you miss doing (whatever they did at school that day)?
Her: Nope.

Me: You used to think you'd be bored being retired.  What do you think you'll do?
Her: Anything but teach.

Ooooookay.  Never mind then.  I'll just be over here being sentimental Sally by myself. 

But it does make me wonder what I will be like when I retire.  Will I miss drilling teeth?  Giving people shots?  Having complete strangers tell me they hate me?  Probably not.  But I think I will miss (most of) my patients, and the thought of selling a (hypothetical) practice that I've (hypothetically) worked so hard to build to some (hypothetical) whippersnapper that's fresh out of dental school already gives me the (not-so-hypothetical) heebie jeebies.

But my mom's career is different.  She has given her all to each classroom full of kids every year for 27 years, but eventually they move on.  To first grade, yes.  But also to middle school, then high school, college, and then real life.  And to think that my mom got to be their first teacher?  Well, that's pretty special in my book.  And if you cracked my mom's exterior, I think she'd admit that it has been pretty special for her too.  So Happy Retirement, Mom!!  Now maybe you can do something crazy, like not cross the tops of your capital Js...